"Are you a Typical Indian"

CAUTION: Before you proceed, please understand that this a simple humorous piece which bears no definite relation to anything, and is only written as and for a source of fun and enjoyment, and not at all to offend or hurt anyone's ego! If you believe you cannot read and think objectively (and humorously), please do not go beyond this sentence! See, you still did! Okay, on your head be it then! If you are offended in any way, the fault lies with you and you alone.

I'm an Indian, by heart, soul, mind, culture, birth, origins, you name it, I'm it. Yes, I am trying to go abroad for "higher studies", I love my country but I'm not blind. Yes, India needs work on a lot of fronts, opportunities are difficult to come by etc etc, but I'm still an Indian and proud to be so and there are several in the crowd (at least in my crowd and I believe, outside of it too) who will agree to the same.

Of course, the number of "proud" Indians are dwindling day by day. There are converts who are oh-so-ashamed and who find their pride in the fact they loathe not being born in the West, and there starts their litany, 'India is so tacky!' 'It is so backward!' Blah! Blah! Blah! (I hope you understand the nasal falsetto required to read the quoted sentences) Well, you can very easily relate them to the "dhobi ka kutta" (For my non-Hindi readers, it is a washer man's dog) for they can neither belong to the West and I assure you, they don't belong here either! (It is a Hindi proverb, "dhobi ka kutta, naa ghar ka naa ghat ka" roughly translated, it means 'neither here nor there')

This article is for the other Indians who are, simply put, happy to be who they are.

So, to revert to my original question, "Are you a typical Indian???"

Well, you see, very recently I learned that there are Indians (already fallen from grace) and then there are the "typical" Indians (not only fallen from grace, you are on your way to Hell) This is a distinction that, i warn you, not everyone can grasp. However hard I may try to help you to understand 'the concept', you must know that the distinction is understood by a few. I guess, now you understand why I digressed and introduced the classic I-hate-India-and-why-the-hell-am-i-not-an-American, elite individuals (Americans, I apologize for bringing you into the fray, but it's kind of a notion they have that West equates to America, completely bypassing Europe... I'm sure you can do without this burden).

I have been condemned to the lowest rung a long time back, since i could not portray the requisite enthusiasm to the elitists' ideas. (I quarrel well, and it can be downright difficult to win against me, especially when I'm right so, my place in their books was decided pretty quickly) Nowadays, I totally am adapted to these kind of people after meeting several of their kind, just like many of you must be. It is a topic which we (who are not among the few) have exhausted, are not interested in any more and don't really think about too much. But this idea of being a "typical" Indian really got my attention!

So, what does make you a "typical" Indian?

Here are some pointers to help you.

First:

Your ex-friend is going abroad, you want to end things on a good note, and want to wish him/her luck for old times' sake, knowing that your paths may never cross again... you thought to let by-gones be by-gones and make a nice ending of it all, with nothing but good wishes? Well, that makes you a Typical Indian... You are actually doing this since your friend is going to America and you are not, you just want to get into your friend's good books (after all you need your friend's help to follow him/her abroad because you won't be able to do it alone! And moreover your friend will be earning in dollars, huh!) It does not matter that your ex-friend was the one who initiated the meeting in the first place.

Next:

It is pathetic being friends with you because your friendship is synonymous with "politics". You couldn't understand the veritable honor of his/her friendship bestowed on you! That's why you never talked to your friend, avoided your friend like plague. Never mind the fact that your friend is your ex-friend because of multi-standards, double-triple-quadruple crossings, and was the one responsible for the falling out among most friends (Did anyone say "back-biting and manipulative"?!). But it is always you involved in politics. And of course, you are jealous.

Next:

How pitiful can you get that you intend to come back to bloody India of all places? Oh, you are typical Indians! (Or mebbe, you are not as lucky, no, no, not as accomplished as a certain someone to be accepted with wide arms in the States)

Next:

If you do not agree Indians are cowards/spineless because the students cannot barge into their university campus with an AK-47 (and the sort) and kill people, you are pathetically typical.

A few other small points:

If you do not have many cousins spread through out North America (only Canada allowed besides, the US of A) or UK. It is a show of status, other European countries don't count. You do not speak English all the time and resort to your mother tongue. You can read and write well in your mother-tongue.

Lastly, of all that I have known till now:

You don't feel condemned to be born in India, and you think of going abroad for studying as a step in your career and not a means to escape. You want to stay back with your parents???

Oh, you Indians! No wonder, you are hopeless! *sigh*

As an expansive writer with the means of broadcasting via my blog, I could not resist the chance to share this experience/observations with you. Many of you know about these first hand. This may offend several, but more numbers will agree, as nothing is exaggerated, instead I've actually toned it down!

Though I am forced to amend some do suck up for their own means to an end, not everybody are so undignified or have the urge. It may come as a surprise but most of us are self-sufficient enough not to be a hypocrite or a sycophant!

So, all you unlucky, born-in-India but-won't-be-Indians-at-the-first-chance-you-get, all the best in your lives. Keep your mouth shut while getting your visas. Enjoy being a non-Indian. And God save America!

And again, yes, I'll be going abroad to study (and only study), yes, because of the awesome infrastructure, ease of working, opportunities etc etc but in exchange they'll be getting me, my talent and my brains. The way I look at it, I am doing them a favour as much as they are doing me. We go abroad 'cause we choose to, and not because we have our own identities to create.

By the way, the other Indian readers, so...

Aren't you a typical Indian??? :~))